"Everyone Knows It's LINDY!!"

HA! I can't stop singing it.... "Who's tripping down the streets of the city, smiling at everybody she sees....Who's reaching out to capture a moment, Everyone knows it's LINDY!" It's all Jeff's fault for singing that in Orlando and getting it stuck in my head. I'm sure he had something to do with the 7-up commercials with Brad Garrett too.

The big news lately is that I feel fantastic. Not only do I have NO pain in my leg, but I feel stronger today than I have in about a month. I guess that means I don't have another ruptured disc. SAWEET! For someone my size and as used to doing everything on my own as I was, feeling strong is a necessity. I'm not sure I knew how important it was to me until I felt so weak...emotionally and physically. I've got the emotional health in check, and I'm working on the physical health. HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO!! As you can tell, I'm pretty pumped up about it. I'm ready to kick some butt.

My birthday was last Thursday, February 11. I saw the physical therapist that afternoon, and it was one of the best birthday presents I've ever had. He gave me some seemingly simple exercises, but they kicked me in the butt! (Literally) The therapist that is closest to my apartment, just happens to live in Yorktown and his father went to school at Stoney Creek. He's the coolest little dude, and he's helped me so much. I know it's his job, but still. I even have photos of me doing each exercise so that I don't forget any of them. LOVE IT!! After this first visit, our goal is to get the pain isolated permanently into my lower back only. This may sound funny, but I'd rather have the pain there than in my leg. I've had back pain all my life, so I can handle that a lot easier. Next, we will move the pain toward the center of my back until it eventually goes away...hopefully. I'm very excited!

Well - I've officially been working from home for a month and a half, and been home for over two months. Tomorrow, I venture out on my first trip since before Christmas. I'm driving to Kentucky, and then maybe onto Clarksville, TN again. My boss is so great... He is keeping me a little close at first, so that we can make sure I don't jump into things too fast. Cross your fingers for me! For the first time in a long time, I'm kind of nervous.

In the time that I've spent at home, I spent most of it trying to make my new apartment a "grown up" apartment. I'm almost done, but I honestly ran out of money to spend on this place! Around my birthday every year, I always buy myself something great for my birthday. This year it was a new place! It has turned into a little travel museum...it's pretty neat. Here are some of the pictures I have blown up and framed for my apartment...












Welp, I'm out of words. Not only do I have nothing more to say, but I have to spend the evening getting ready to leave. Never left for a trip without a roommate....that makes things interesting. Hope I get the hang of it quickly. Later gators.

Update...I'm better now! (Well, emotionally anyway!)

HELLLLOOOOO!! (Said like Mrs. Doubtfire, when surprised by the visit of the CPS lady.) So - I have been down, in a bit of a slump for the past three weeks. It seems that writing the last three blogs helped me get over that. Sorry I had to blog about it to get it out. I've abandoned my poor journal, and just write in this thing now. Probably should go back to that journal.... :) Anyway - thanks for listening!

First and foremost - I want to say HI JOANIE!! If you guys ever have to have surgery - try to have it at St. Vincent's on 86th Street, and have JOANIE as your pre-op nurse. I almost hate to say it, but I had a fun time before and after my surgery. I mean, I was freaked out the entire time, but Joanie made it kind of fun! Like - waiting in line for a really scary roller coaster that you're not really sure if you want to ride, but you're afraid to admit to your friends that you're a chicken. Not that that has ever happened to me....... Joanie - go read the other comment on the Renewal post right below this one. Hope you're reading...

Moving on... I met with the surgeon yesterday and he's not very pleased with my progress. I still have pain in my leg, though not near as bad as before the surgery. He put me on a 6-day steroid pack. If after that I still have a lot of pain, it's possible I've ruptured another disc. Not cool. We're hoping after 6 days I feel great! I am going to have some visits with a physical therapist and hope for the best. I am looking forward to traveling to Kentucky next week for work, and then driving on to Tennessee and then back home. That will kind of give us an idea of how I can handle my work situation....if I can take the pain (if it's still there) or not. My schedule shows projects primarily in the Midwest, so we're taking it easy for a little while. My boss and the company has been absolutely great during this time for me, and I feel really fortunate because of it. Not every boss would be so supportive.

I do sort of feel like a caged wild animal though! Me with time on my hands is not a great idea! I have moved into a new apartment and it has been my obsession since. It's even more of a challenge, because I'm so slow! But - it's turned into a little travel museum. Everything on the walls are blown up photographs that I've taken on the road - and I have even made a photo album with a picture from every trip (Columbia, MD and the corporate office don't count...) I've taken for work. I've even got some things on their way through the mail to me, to put the finishing touches on everything. It's absolutely great, and I'm really starting to love my home that is all mine.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......now it's 5pm, I'm turning off my work phone (yeah right) and I'm going to lie on the couch the rest of the evening watching movies. LML (Love My Life).

Later dudes......

Renewal

It’s been a while. I hate to say it, but the only reason I’m writing is because I can’t sleep (as some would say, "what else is new?") I don’t have any pictures to add, and that’s usually what reminds me to write. And I finally rented Julie & Julia tonight, and it reminded me that I have a blog to keep up. While recovering at my Dad’s house after surgery, I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. One of which was my living situation. I was going to live with a buddy of a buddy that had just bought a house, and needed a roommate. The more I thought about it, the more I started looking into places of my own. I was tired of going from one place to another to help someone out for a little while. It was convenient for me, because I didn’t have to commit to anything. But, I figure there’s nothing wrong with a little commitment once in awhile. Only down-side is that it’s more expensive. But I decided I didn’t care. Turns out, there was a place on the north side that was cheaper than I could ever dream. AND, it’s safe and convenient. The worst thing in the world is when I get home from a late flight and don’t have anything close to get the things I need before I jump on a plane the next morning, or I’m worried I’ll wake a roommate up. I don’t think I’ll have much of a problem with that anymore. I moved in a little over a week ago and it already feels like home. Though – it’s taken a while. Most things I own, hiding in my storage unit, are things I had in college. Most of those things don’t exactly “fit” very well with me now. It’s been fun building a home (a small one, mind you, but still a home) that’s all mine. I doubt I’ll have any visitors, but I’d still like my place to be creative and very “Lindy”.

Along with the idea of an apartment, came several other transitions. I had a bunch of interesting (sometimes Percocet-induced) conversations since I’ve been home. I’ve enjoyed every one of them. There’s something to be said about someone bringing over 15 novels for you to read, because she knows you can’t do anything but read, write and play video games all day. Not to mention, the person who wants to take the day off of work to drive you to the hospital and back. And, my personal favorite, the people who don’t take any action at all…but you know they are thinking about you. At least you hope so. It’s a very interesting thing, being sick and helpless. Not only is it unpleasant, but I think a person is forever changed because of it. I know it’s dramatic, but before my dad came and picked me up from my apartment in Indy and drove me to his house before the surgery, I was in such a dark place. I was unstable emotionally and literally all alone in the world. It’s a place I hope I never see again.

I think my challenge is that I never ask for what I really need. I’m one of those people that would rather do what I need to do and not bother or upset anyone. I always think, “They have better things to do” and “I’m not important enough to ask someone to do that for me”, or “they would never tell me the truth anyway”. Now I’ve realized…there is only one way to find out if you’re worth it or not. Ask.

Next, was the realization that a lot of physical things need to change in my life. My lifestyle has changed to try and facilitate weight loss, and other measures to be sure I never experience that kind of pain again.

I feel like a renewed person…but more importantly, I feel like I’m defining myself. Let’s find out who Lindy really is. It’s funny – most people in my life probably won’t notice any change at all. I guess this blog brings out everything, doesn’t it?!

Recovery

It’s been hard. I have been truly on my own for about a week now, and it’s hard not to lift 10 pounds and walk more than you sit. It’s also amazing how much you use your left leg and left butt cheek in a day. Really – there are probably muscles in your butt cheek you don’t even know are there! I know they are there when I do something I apparently shouldn’t have. Whoo! It’s shocking – literally! Sends a shock right down to your piggy toe.

I see the surgeon on Monday, and I’m hoping they’ll grant me permission to travel again. Though, I’m not sure I’ll get my wish. I’ve had the worst pain since the surgery just in the last part of this week. Actually had to take a Vicodin on Thursday, and almost did today. Very odd…..was hoping to be pain-free right now. Granted, I have three bulging discs still, but I have lived with that and a ruptured one for a while! What’s the big deal?! Have been working from home for two months now (minus the three days I took off for the surgery)...getting a little cabin fever.

I’m doing alright though – spirits are up and I’m confident I’ll get better soon. Hopeful, anyway.

What is the Measure of Happiness?

Tonight, this was the topic of my thoughts while trying to sleep. How, really, do you measure happiness? I’m curious, because I don’t really know what to say when someone asks me, “are you happy?” In my brain, I always think, “Am I really unhappy about anything?”

I have moved into an apartment all by myself, as you’ve probably read. My dad came over this afternoon (in the midst of the snow storm), as he was in Indy for some credit classes. He came to hang up the items in my apartment that have been lying on my floor for over a week, and to take some things back to the storage unit for me. Since my surgery, I’m not supposed to lift anything more than 10 pounds, and I have to try to walk more than I sit. (Have you ever tried to do either one of those? Jeesh! Very hard…just sayin!) Watching the frames sitting on the floor leaning against a blank wall, and staring at all the boxes containing things I didn’t want around me, collect dust in my new apartment was indescribably hard. I feel useless. I moved into this place two weeks after my back surgery and the move-in day killed me. I didn’t do much (put away dishes and threw some empty boxes around…) as I hired movers, and my poor Dad helped with a lot of the really tedious things like putting together new entertainment centers for me, as well as moved a lot of heavy boxes to a higher place in the apartment so that I could do something while home alone. Even that was too much for my back/leg. Since then, the pain has been coming on stronger and stronger every day. Needless to say, it was driving me nuts not being able to do anything. I am so afraid that I’ve screwed my body up, and I won’t recover properly. Thank goodness Dad came today. It feels so much like my home now. Or at least like a comfortable, recognizable hotel room – which is home to me.

As I was making my dinner (slice of cheddar jack cheese, banana chips and a huge bowl of lettuce with a little vinaigrette dressing), I stepped out of my kitchen and took a look at my little living room. Suddenly I felt sad. Those items sitting in a storage unit right now are mostly things that mattered to me at one point in my past. Why don’t they matter now? Have I built a life as such that I don’t want anything around me to remind me of the past? I think the answer to that is YES. Traveling for a living, getting “lost” in one state or another, no one knowing where I am or what I’m doing, “love em and leave em” from one hotel to another…. I can do that. I’m actually good at that. It’s safe. It’s harder to get hurt when you don’t get attached. I know people who live their lives this way and are seemingly happy people. Who said I can’t do that?

But here’s the thing, and ultimately the big question. Am I happy? I don’t know that I’ll ever be, and how depressing is that?! One minute I’m bothered by a bunch of clutter in my apartment, and my incapability to do anything about it. The next minute I’m upset, because I feel cold and detached.

The scary thing about it is that I’d rather feel cold and detached than the alternative. I’m starting to appreciate the way my life is a little more, and I’m trying not to take anything for granted. But that doesn’t mean I have to dwell on relationships and analyze everything over and over again. I’ve taken a stand. No longer am I acting as if there is anything to live for other than my healthy life. My healthy life can include a lot of things and I’m looking forward to all of them.

This year started out pretty crappy, but I think, with a little work and a lot of hope, 2010 could be the year that I find happiness.

I Made It Out!!

WooHoo!

I am blogging from my phone and very exhausted, but I wanted to at least write and let everyone that I made it of there alive!! I was prepped and ready to go by 9:45, with my surgery scheduled at 11. But - they wheeled me into the OR at 10am. I was out of surgery at 11:40, and woke up in recovery at about 12:15. I was in a little bit of pain in recovery, bit it quickly improved.

I stayed in recovery for a while longer, because there were two patients in there with me that had some serious surgery (I can only guess that) and they both had a lot of family with them. They ran out of rooms to put all of us in. I was certainly in no hurry, so I let those two folks go ahead of me. I knew Dad and Kathy were told I was awake, and were calling the people on my list, along with their list!

Once they wheeled me back to my little visiting room, Dad and Kathy came back to find me eating a few pieces of cheese and crackers and joking around with the awesome nurses. (I took another dose of the perocet, so i had to get something in my stomach.) Everyone there was SO GREAT. That nurse team, the surgeon Dr. Eric Potts, and the OR nurses were just really awesome! I wish I could say I can't wait to go back, but I am going to try to make it so this doesn't happen again!

Within 15 minutes of being in my little visiting room, I was ready to go. I was hardly in any pain, and I was exhausted. Figured the quicker I could get back to Parker, the faster I could go to sleep to a Disney Movie!

My best buddy Amanda came to visit tonight, the day of the surgery, and I so loved her company. She also brought her homemade peanut butter pie (which I think is number 11 on my "Foods Lindy is Craving" list), and her lovely olive spread. She's so great. I think she thought I was faking it, because I'm moving around really well. I'm still weak and the incision is a bit painful, but I don't think it will take a long time to regain my strength. I am told that the last thing to come back will be the feeling in my left foot. After this roller coaster of a week, I don't really care about numbness!

One more thing: I was a little upset before the surgery, because they didn't actually do the incision in the top inch of my butt crack. DANG! It was pretty much right above it. My nurse, Joanie (who is really awesome! Have I said that already!!) took a picture of me and it is hilarious. Not sure that it is appropriate for the blog, haven't decided yet! Let's just say I have the picture and there's no reason why you people have to be exposed to that!!

More later guys...thanks for listening! I'll post again next week and let you know how it's going.
Lindy

PS. Again, please excuse the typos. Percocet along with blogging from my phone can be kind of challenging!

Sent from my PDA Device

Surgery on Thursday...

That's what keeps running through my head... "Surgery on Thursday", "Surgery on Thursday". I'm freaked out, to say the least. I've never had surgery before, so I have all the normal anxiety. At least, I think it's normal.

Dad and I went to see the surgeon on Monday, who informed me that I needed an operation to take out the disc herniation. He said it's something he would like to do as soon as possible. He was planning on taking a long weekend, taking Thursday and Friday off this week. When he saw my MRI, he decided he would come in and work a little bit on Thursday. It's pretty bad. His nurse kept referring to it as "HUGE". There was a project that I needed to do, and really wanted to do on the week of the 18th in Kentucky. I tried to talk the surgeon into waiting a few weeks to operate on me. He kind of laughed. He explained that with a herniation that big I will soon have to worry about becoming more weak in my left leg (the weaker it gets, the harder it is to recover), and losing complete feeling in my left foot...which is already numb on the left side. He also explained that the longer I wait, the more risk I have of being incontenent. At that point (actually it still took me a minute, because I want to do that project and Dad was looking at me like "Are you nuts?!"), I said.... "Um, Thursday it is!"


This is the closest photo of a disc herniation that compares to mine. Toward the bottom of the photo, you'll see a little dark section that is sort of spilling out of the vertebrae...that is a herniated disc. Mine is actually larger than this one, as it pushes the nerve into the spinal canal. I think this stuff is really cool...I find it really interesting.

It is an outpatient surgery, which will give me instant relief from the pain in my leg. The procedure will only take an hour or so, with about two hours in recovery at the hospital. I am expected to spend the following two weeks doing very little. I'm told it takes a month to heal, but after two weeks I could start driving. After the procedure, my leg won't have any pain, but my back will be in more pain than normal for awhile.

The surgeon won't take out the entire disc, so he said there is a possibility that the same disc will rupture again. I also have about three bulging discs that cause back pain, and he mentioned his concern about those. For someone who is 24, to already be having back surgery, it could be a very exciting future ahead of me! I'm excited about the pain relief. I'm just really anxious about the whole waking up part after the surgery! If I do wake up, I am going to make the necessary adjustments to my lifestyle so that I never have to go through this again. Or, at least not any time soon.

After the appointment with my surgeon, since my surgery was in a few days, we went ahead and ran over to St. Vincent's to do all of my pre-op tests. I didn't really have an appointment, only gave them 10 minutes notice, so I had to wait awhile for people to get to me. They did an EKG and took a few viles of blood. I think the nurse that did all of this could sense that I was pretty freaked out. She talked me through what was going to happen that morning and explained a lot of things to me. Her sister-in-law had the same thing done last year and said she gets along just great now. She was sweet to me, even though I could tell she was having a rough day.....

But I am excited about one thing......... They are going to write "YES" on the surgical site. You may not think this is great, but I do! The surgical site is basically the top inch of my butt crack. How HILARIOUS is that?! HAHAHA....awesome. I'm hoping I can talk the prep-nurse into taking a picture of it for me. :)

I know that all this is probably not a big deal. I mean, I'm going to look back at it in a year and think it was just something that happened to me...an experience. But right now, it seems like a huge deal to me. I have to be a little dramatic, you know.

Thanks for listening, everyone. I will blog again sometime after Thursday and let you know how everything went.

PS. To my fellow bloggers out there - are you guys having trouble posting pictures and videos? I changed the setting to the Old Posting Editor and it's still weird. I don't even have the option of posting a picture or video in the Updated Posting Editor. Any ideas?

Update on me and my Old Lady Back Issues

For those of you wondering...... I had an MRI done yesterday. It was rather difficult to make it as that morning I was in so much pain I almost passed out, and the roads were so bad because of all of the snow. I knew if I failed to appear for this one, it would take too long to schedule another one. When I got there, those folks took some pity on me. I think they saw I was in a lot of pain and wasn't feeling well (I was still queezy from almost passing out an hour before).

Just FYI to all those big people in the world....a closed MRI is no joke. When I got into the room and saw the tunnel that I would be laying in I laughed and asked the tech, "am I even going to fit in there?!" He replied, "it'll be tight." Haha - I just had this image of him starting to move the table with me on it through this tube and it cutting off my shoulders because I was too big! I made it in there, but he was right. It was a tight fit! I had to curl my shoulders up, which left my arms to drape over my waist. I swear my boobs were grazing the top of that machine! Haha. I had to lay as still as possible like that for a half an hour!

When it was time to come out, I had to get two little ladies and a guy help me up. What a great moment for my self-esteem! I asked the tech how it looked, and even though they aren't allowed to say anything, I could tell it was bad. He apparently called my doctor right after I left and sent her the films to take a look at asap. I made it to my car and pulled the films out. I'm no doctor, but I believe my response to what I saw was something like, "holy s***!!!!"

When my doctor called me personally yesterday, I knew it was bad. She was apologetic because I told her I thought it was bad three weeks ago (and she kind of dismissed it with a steroid pack and a speech about weight loss) and she couldn't have imagined it would be THIS bad. I have a degerated disc putting so much pressure on my nerve, that it's shocking I have any use of my leg at all. Not only that, but my lower back is so degenerated that at my age (turn 25 in February), it is so rare and unseen. She's concerned about my pain now, as every day it gets worse. She was nice enough to prescribe me Hydrocodone (Vicodin) a week ago, to which I told her would not be enough. I knew it wouldn't touch my pain. Not that I have taken any without a prescription, or anything....... Moving on: she prescribed my Perocet now. However - I have to go to her office, pick it up, then go to the pharmacy and take care of it. I guess she cant just call this one
in. Getting in the car and driving may not sound like a big deal to you, but rolling over in bed is a big deal to me. So - my dad is coming to save the day today. He is going to pick me up, run me around to get this Percocet and then take me back to his house in Parker. Passing out with no one around is a scary thing. I think it's best if I'm monitored for awhile. Plus - I really shouldn't be driving with those drugs in my system.

After she saw the films, my doctor called in a favor and was offered an appointment for a neurosurgeon on 2/15. She explained how much pain I'm in and what my back looks like and the neurosurgeon offered to see me on Monday. WOW. Must be bad. Apparently though, if my situation fits the specs, there is an outpatient surgery that gives instant relief. That's the rumor on the street.

So - it's now up to him...the neuro-dude...to decide if I'm eligible for surgery. If so, I hope it happens sooner than later. I'm ready to get rid of this awful pain and get back to work.

Thanks to all of you for thinking of me. I've gotten a lot of questions and concerns, so I figured it's best to blog about it. I'll keep you all updated through this....

Lindy
PS. Sorry if there are any typos, blogging from a phone can be challenging.

Sent from my PDA Device

"Everyone Knows It's Lindy......"

In honor of the best drunk dial last week - I had to go back and take a look at this. Thought it was worth posting too, because it makes me giggle.

Clarksville, Christmas and New Years

It's been awhile.  I've gone into hiding the past three or four weeks.  I wasn't into the holidays at all this year, and was a bit anti-social.  Not sure if anyone missed my blogging, but I should be back now......

I had an interesting month of December.  On November 30th, after my short visit to Aspen (for work) over Thanksgiving, I flew from Aspen to Nashville, TN.  I was doing a full installation in Clarksville, TN - which is about an hour from Nashville.  It was actually great - check out the pictures....

On the 18th of December, after work, I drove from Nashville (had to pick up a new rental car) to Indianapolis, dropped off that rental car, took a cab to my house, got into my car and drove to Dad's for our family Christmas weekend.  I got to Dad's house at about 2am, then jumped in the car at 10am with Mitch and his family to travel to Lafayette for my grandmother's Christmas.

Emily had never seen snow - so we had to play in it a little bit before we left for Grandma's house.  She absolutely loved it!

I moved to another, temporary apartment in Indy with a person I used to work with at the Westin.  Waiting on a few things to pop up to determine whether I'll stay in Indy or not.  I laid around a lot during the week of Christmas and New Years.  I have a pinched nerve in my left leg that is extraordinarily painful.  I had to move the week of New Years, so I kind of sucked up all of the energy I had available.  Sadly, I didn't do much during my 10 days off from work.

Next was New Years at a friends house that was fun, but pretty painful for me.  It was hard to be out and mobile.  Though, I did win a few games of ping pong.  Again, I didn't really get that into it and was snoozing away in my empty Dad's house by 1am.

Above:  Amy and I   Below:  This is after most of them had my punch!

So - I'm all moved in and immobile...just have to wait and see what the doctor has to say on Tuesday (tomorrow).  Hopefully they'll give me a lot of pain meds, as I'm still too young to operate on.  Nice.  Otherwise, I'm scheduled to leave on Wednesday to go to somewhere around Houston.  Maybe I'll get to see my buddy Brad, who just had a baby.  Well - he didn't, but his girlfriend did!

Happy Back To Work Day, everyone!